Boundaries are a bit of a buzzword these days and I LOVE them!
This morning I had an interesting conversation with someone I care about and it was about scheduling a coffee date with someone… and as much as he wanted to he also didn’t want to.
Now there is a bit of a story, this person tends to be negative and sometimes conspiratorial in thoughts and ideas and that energy can be hard to be around. So, while there is desire to want to re-connect and spend time there is also a strong pull to not connect and find reasons not to go.
I offered a suggestion… and that is where Taking My Own Effie Advice Tuesday comes in.
Say it out loud, to the person… with kindness and love.
Hi, my friend, I would love to go for coffee with you and catch up. I do have a request though, that I hope you will understand. Like everyone else, I have been re-entering society and it has been a lot. (Name what it is) has been taking up so much space in my brain and life the last 15 months so when we visit, I would like to catch up and talk about everything but this. I am looking forward to spending the time with you.
It doesn’t need to be this formal and you can use your own words, so it sounds like you. When you practice saying it and putting the boundary in place do you notice anything? Do you feel it in your body? Does the brain chatter stop?
What is beautiful about it, is you have set the expectation with that person so now you can stop the conversation with a gentle reminder that the topic isn’t one open for discussion.
I also believe that person will show you quite quickly the value of the relationship and the level of respect for you. Then it is easy, if the person doesn’t respect it, you get to make the choice to not get together again. And personally, my option would be to say “F#$k it”
Make room for someone else who will love and respect the boundaries you need. History doesn’t entitle someone to a spot in your life.
If you need help identifying and setting those boundaries, shoot me a note. Let’s chat.
With a heartful of rebellious gratitude,