I have been in Calgary for 18 years. Building a life for myself for 18 years.
It has also been 18 years since we lost her… the rebellious one in the family that seemed to face the world with no fucks to give.
She would sneak out of the house to sing in underground clubs with some unsavory characters. She got married at 25- old maid status in those days… and to a First Nations man who worked in a camp as a tree faller and part time cook. (Who also made the best damn pancakes EVER. They would float off your plate… and he never shared that recipe. Dammit Gramps!)
She was beautiful and never knew it. She was feisty and marched to her own drum for most of her life. She was the Grandma that every little girl wanted. She was the biggest cheerleader and never missed an occasion or event.
Today my soul sister friend, Erica shared a post that said “Avoid the temptation to make choices that are familiar but no longer serve you”
And that is where Grams and Take My Own Effing Advice Tuesdays inspiration comes from. She was the woman in my life who dared to do things different, rebel against the status quo and build a life that was somewhat traditional and yet all her own. She was not perfect, nor was her life, her parenting, or her marriage. But it was hers and she lived it well and on her own terms.
When I read the post Erica shared today, it was like Grams took a frying pan to the side of my head. I could hear her yelling my name… with love of course, but also yelling at me to get moving, take risks and shine my light.
There are times in my life that I have thrown the hand grenade and blown up what wasn’t working, jobs, houses, relationships, and I could always hear her cheering me on, encouraging me on my own brave path. Pushing me to do the work she didn’t get to do. Living my truth and acting as a guiding light for others. And yet, I have found myself moving in and out of choices and habits that are familiar and no longer serve me, procrastination, poor self-talk, not moving my body and having a couple of cocktails followed by ice cream.
Coincidentally, a few months ago I hired some people to help me change my business, what I offer and how I serve… and I find myself still sitting in fear of being seen and not doing some of the work. And then I hear Grams, pushing me to make the scary choices, set the boundaries I need to move forward and in turn, encourage others to find their own brave path and maybe even throw their own hand grenade.
I have a couple more weeks of the quiet, unsexy work that goes on behind the scenes, but know I will be here, every day, continuing to push myself to make choices that serve me, make my Grams proud and hopefully offer some inspiration to those that choose to follow the light I shine into the world.
I miss you Grams and often wish I could sit on the living room floor at your feet and talk through all of this shit. Love you forever and always.