TAKING MY OWN F-ING ADVICE TUESDAYS – MARCH 2, 2021
Last week I talked about hearing past the ego and working with my word for the year- THRIVE. Well, seems that when you put that shit out there the universe delivers and gives you the opportunity to live into it.
So let’s talk about one those defining moments and have a look at how I moved through it to to find something I really loved that set the course for where I am today.
I was 31 and newly married. I had been feeling ‘off’ for a few months and my body was making things tough for me. As I had mentioned before I am good at doing all the things you are supposed to do, exercise, eat well, limit stress and get sleep.
While my wedding and the time leading up to it didn’t go as planned because none of my family was there, location and date had changed, I was in a good place. Happy. Content. Joyful. But something was off with my body.
I was scheduled for a couple of ultrasounds 3 days before Christmas… not fun… because offices close for WEEKS around that time of the year which meant I would wait longer than normal for results. After multiple appointments with my doctor, it was determined that I needed to see a specialist because my uterus was rebelling and it wanted to exit my body in any way possible. So began the wait… I was told 8 months.
Meanwhile, I am eating everything but nails and metal objects to keep my iron levels up, on a supplement that makes everything taste like metal, so I don’t collapse at work… oh, and did I mention while all of this was going on I was promoted into another role? About limiting stress…
I was about 6 weeks into the 8 months wait when I had a total meltdown in a meeting room at work and called the doctor’s office to see if I could get into the specialist any faster. Thankfully the nurse at my doctor’s office liked me and her friend happened to be the nurse at another office… within hours I had an appointment 4 weeks later with another specialist.
Fast forward and there I was in the OB-GYNs office with my new husband having a conversation about how to best handle the rebellion in my body. The news was grim. I had several fibroids the size of large grapefruits. I had a couple of options, a partial hysterectomy or a procedure that was full of risk I wasn’t sure I was willing to take. Decisions had to be made because it was May and surgery times were booking into July.
I am not claiming that having children was ever on my list of top 10 things to do in life, but it is a much different conversation when that choice is made for you… when you have been married less than a year. So, partial hysterectomy it was… on July 14th… two days before our first wedding anniversary.
I spent our first anniversary in the Peter Lougheed Hospital high as a kite on pain killers.
At that point we lived in a beautiful condo in an inner-city neighbourhood, but it was a four story walk up, no elevator. This meant I was spending at least six weeks at my in-law’s house with our dog. In total, my recovery was nine weeks. Nine weeks of forced quiet. Nine weeks of dependence on others. Nine weeks of not seeing friends or venturing out. Nine weeks of no work. What the fuck?
It was through those weeks that I explored what I was good at. Who did I want to be? What job would I like to have? How do others see me? It was in this time I was introduced to coaching and things started to change for me. I set up conversations, both in person and over the phone, I talked to people who were in that space and started gathering information. It was later that year I decided to take the leap and go through the yearlong coach training and become an Associate Certified Coach.
That decision changed course of my life. It was one of the best decisions I have made, it shaped my life and helped me remember who I am. I returned to my essence of gratitude and weaved it into every aspect of my life.
What is important about this story is that I made a choice to make this a defining moment in my life. I did not allow the surgery and the inability to have children define my life and create a label. Despite the world around me telling me that it was the next step in my life and the unsolicited statements from people telling me “Oh, your clock will tick and you will change your mind.” and “You are young. That will change.”
No, no it won’t.
I could also take this time to publicly apologize to the woman who caught me on a really bad day and chose to share with me all the reasons that I should change my mind and have kids. She didn’t really see the kind, grateful side of me when I lit her up and told I had no uterus so it would need to be immaculate conception or the baby Jesus… * oops *
We are dealt piles of shit in our lives, each one of us. Most of which we cannot control but what I want you to hear today is that you CAN control how you react to it. You are allowed to be sad, to flip your middle finger (see today’s picture) and tell your higher power to take a flying leap AND you are allowed to look it in the eye and use it to change something for good.
A defining moment in life not the definition of who you are or who you get to be in this world.
So, now that the internet knows I don’t have a uterus and can’t have kids I want to leave you with the question: Where in your own life have you allowed a moment to define you instead of using it to push you forward? What label have you given yourself and can you give yourself permission to let that go or rename the label?
And as always, if you want a partner who will push, pull, encourage, and cheer you on there is always room for us to work together on redefining your own Brave Path.